求翻译：Each time when I reluctantly compelled myself to reconcile my words with actions in a bad skin for fear that I shoud not get through scheduled scheme on time, deep in my soul I could even sense the futile future of scraping a living more or less. In reality, lately I have kinda deviated from the right track upside-down是什么意思？

待解决 悬赏分：1 - 离问题结束还有