求翻译：最后 ， 我想对所有关心我的人说声对不起，我让你们失望了，其实我也不想这样，但是有的事和有的人参杂在一起让我彻底失去斗志了，是绝望，还是堕落？此刻我也不知道，唯一知道的就是我现在还没能够释怀。是什么意思？

Finally, I want to say sorry to disappoint you, I also do not want to, but some do and some ginseng mixed together so that I completely lost their fighting spirit is despair, or fallen to all who care about me? At the moment I do not know, only know is that I have not been able to let go.